Writing Snippets


How We See

(Published in Chicken Soup for the Unsinkable Soul)


Has anyone ever said,

“It’s important

to spend less time

on how we look

and more time

on how we see”?


If not,

perhaps someone should.



The Wrong Class


I drove for an hour and a half to a class on “How to get your book published.” When I arrived I discovered I had come on the wrong day. 


I was naturally upset at my stupidity as I walked to the “Women’s Room.” When I got there, I stopped and stared at the door. The “W” was missing from the “Women,” leaving the word “omen.” I was sure it was.


I checked the classes scheduled for that night, looking for a class that was sure to be my destiny. There was a class on how to quit smoking. No, I had my Nicorette. There was another class on how to live without stress. No, stress and I have, at long last, become friends. Finally, I saw a class that held promise. It was a class on quantum physics and the soul. Yes … maybe.


I decided to take the class. I ended up sitting through three long, boring hours, listening to how new scientific theories are being used in an attempt to try to prove the existence of God. What I discovered was, I don’t need science to prove the existence of God, any more than I need God to prove the existence of science.


What have I learned? I’ve learned that sometimes when the “W” is missing from the Women’s Room door, it’s simply the “W” missing from the Women’s Room door.



To Don’t List


Don’t ever suppress a laugh

~   it causes heart disease.

Don’t spit upwind 

~  you know why.

Don’t ever disbelieve a compliment 

~  fight your instincts and believe it.

Don’t ever disbelieve someone who says, “I love you” 

~  it’s too hard to come by, and it might be true.

Don’t ever tell someone, “You don’t love me” 

~  they might believe you.

Don’t ever be in love … alone.

Don’t be too sad, too long 

~  you can get stuck there.

Don’t suppress happiness 

~  even if you look stupid.

Don’t ever call yourself stupid 

~  people might believe you.

Don’t ever use the word “but” in an apology.

Don’t give an honest answer 

~  if a friend asks if you like her ugly dress.

Don’t use the words “should” or “shouldn’t,”

~  in a sentence with the words, “feel,” “think,” or “be.”

Don’t clean your no-wax floor with Comet.

The same is true for your plastic-lens eyeglasses.

Don’t stop looking at your reflection in store windows.

Don’t cross your eyes in a big wind 

~  Mom says they’ll stay that way.

Don’t pick your nose while in a car 

~  people can see you.

Don’t sue anyone lightly 

~  life is random and not all misfortunes are blamable.

  (It’s why we have the word “accident” in the dictionary)

Don’t finish reading a book if you’ve decided you don’t like it.

Don’t finish a piece of chocolate candy that you don’t like 

~  take a bite and put the rest back in the box.

Don’t think in small numbers.

Don’t cross out anything you’ve done 

~  anyway, you can’t.

Don’t put fingernail polish on your lips 

~  it doesn’t work as all-day lipstick,

~   and it hurts.

Don’t try to spell hors d’oeuvres without a dictionary.

Don’t tell someone you don’t love them 

~  say something else.

Don’t visit denial too long.

Don’t listen to someone who says, “Have a good life!” 

~  it’s sarcasm.



Flow


Someone once told me

to get in the flow.


Oh, my God —

There’s a flow?!



Business Call


When you make a business call

And the secretary says,

“Will he know what this is regarding?”

Just tell her,

“Not unless he’s clairvoyant.”



Making A Living


I’m

so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so ,so, so so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so so, so, so, so, so, so, so

tired of having to make

a living.

I want life to be……………………………………………………………………………………………………….

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

free.

Joe O'Hehir Design